Tolerating boredom is a lost super power

I am a person who likes learning new ideas, reflecting on them, then applying them to make my life better.

These days I find that I am always plugged in: YouTube, Podcasts, Audiobooks.

To learn, to absorb, to be not bored. Most of the content I consume are making me better but there are nights, especially on weekends where I fall into the death spiral of mindless YouTube videos and shorts.

The problem

I catch myself sometimes, being a digital zombie.

I don't want to leave the house without it.

Even when I am going for a walk.

Even when I am shooting hoops in my backyard.

Even playing the guitar to wind-down, sometimes I want to entertain myself with a podcast or a YouTube video at the same time to 'enjoy the experience more'.

On the worst days, I even find myself unable to even brush my teeth without having the phone playing YouTube short videos on the sink. Sometimes in-between brushes I have to flick to change the video. Thankfully this doesn't happen too often.

On some days, I feel so much resistance towards taking out my earphones, not wanting to interrupt whatever I was listening to, I rub my sunscreen around the ears to avoid having to take them out.

On almost all days, I don't want to start driving or start any commute without plugging into a podcast.

I've convinced myself I am wasting time if I am not listening to something 'productive' or I will be in so much 'boredom-pain' if I am not listening to something entertaining. Lies.

The change

I came across a life changing book called The Almanack Of Naval Ravikant'. 

Amongst hundreds of gems of wisdom, one of them was about the power of being alone with your thoughts.

And how we have collectively lost our ability to tolerate boredom nowadays. 

There is this quote: "All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone," - some dude called Blaise Pascal apparently. 

I read that idea in the book, and it made me think: 

'Let me try this, I don't want to be a digital zombie.'  

So I implemented some changes:

I started driving to the library with no music, no podcasts.

I started taking some 40 min train rides to uni just staring out the window with nothing in my ear.

I started not taking my phone to the bathroom (a guy thing, apparently)

I started banning myself from YouTube videos during the week, and from YouTube shorts forever. 

And the hardest one for me personally: I started eating my meals with podcasts instead of videos or with nothing but my thoughts instead of podcasts, if I'm feel particularly strong-willed that day. 

The benefits 

More ideas started popping into my head. 

Links between the information that I take in from books and podcasts started forming actionable ideas.

Sometimes I am driving and I repeat them to myself 10 times so I don't forget when I stop and can write them down.

I wrote them down to put them into action later. 

I feel I am better able to put my phone down. 

Boredom does not scare me now. 

The idea of a silent drive to the grocery store no longer seemed like a death sentence to my psyche but rather just a 'yeah. That's fine'. 

The friction to put down my phone when I catch myself mindlessly opening YouTube got lower. It was kind of like turning on the knob for a cold shower in the morning: I still didn’t want to do it but I do it more easily now.

The voice of discipline started to win more. Not every time, but more. 

I feel like I am able to slow down and be more in the present. 

With time slipping past me faster and faster these days I try to do everything I can to be in the moment more and capture more of what is speeding past me. 

So that's a good thing.

Unexpected but valuable lesson

Recently I said something that I really wish I had phrased differently, in an attempt to communicate some feelings I was working through, and had hurt someone very close to me.

I felt guilty, I felt ashamed and I felt like I needed to work through my thoughts in order to give that person a proper message of what I was trying to say.

Old me would have tried to distract myself by listening to advice videos, music in the car, listening to motivational videos or comedy to try to cheer up. 

Basically anything to get away from my thoughts. 

But that day, I made myself sit with my own silence and thoughts

Not surprisingly, thoughts started to bubble and boil. But I stayed in that zone. 

On the train ride to Uni, I sat with my thoughts.

Walking to class, I listened to my thoughts.

Waiting for the tram, I listened to my thoughts. 

In the car, I was with my thoughts.

For the first time ever and to my slight dismay, I even started talking to myself in the car.

I talked through what my core values were, I talked through all the negative thoughts going through my head. I asked myself questions and tried to answer them.

Certain thoughts I would never voice to anyone else or even write down in fear of someone reading them someday, I spoke it all out loud to myself. 

I realized that I was my own best therapist that day: it was an open hearted exchange between my feelings and my rationality.

By about 7 or 8pm that day, I had listened to my thoughts all day and collected most of my thoughts and I decided to write a letter to that person I've hurt and later gave it to them. 

Action always alleviates pain. But this time I also confronted my thoughts for 12 hours straight.

By doing something with the clarity I created to help rectify the situation it released the last of the trapped negative thoughts and feelings that I held.

I felt free after that night. I have never recovered so fast emotionally. 

A few challenges

To myself and whoever is reading, try these: (I dare you : P )

1. No phones in the bathroom

2. Don't listen or read or watch anything on 1 out of 4 drives/commutes

3. And the hardest one (for me): eat meals without phones or any entertainment.

Simple, but it has made my life better already.

Summary

Learning to tolerate boredom made discipline from distraction easier, it created more space for creative thought, it created more opportunities to be present and peaceful. It taught me an invaluable lesson of sitting with my thoughts and confronting them rather than running away from them with the help of distractions. And that gave me freedom. From being a digital zombie and from fear of being with my own thoughts. It also gifted me a tool/protocol to overcome emotional turmoil and challenges in the future.